Won't You Be My Laser?

It's a beautiful day in this laserhood.
A beautiful day for a laser.
Won't you be my laser?

In Won't You Be My Laser, storm your way through 25 varied levels! Radical!

Race to the finish, avoiding sentient dystopian gun turrets that are, quite literally, loose cannons! Way past cool!

Push conveniently-sized crates filled with hovering skateboards, new formulas of your favourite colas and synthetic mullet wigs into the line of sight of those turrets to sneak past undetected! Killer!

Grab the pick-up sticks in each level, because entertainment doesn't get much better than that! Tubular!

And win as speedily as your fluorescent running shoes can take you to beat each star rating and win up to 5 stars in each level, because there's no such thing as 3 star ratings in the 80s - mobile phones, as you all well know, are only for telephoning your home landline and making your pants fall down when you forget your belt! So bad!

It's all there for you in Won't You Be My Laser, the fun, inexpensive little diversion set in the distant year 2000.

So pick up Won't You Be My Laser for just 99 of your American cents today! Or spread the cost - just 55 cents a month for the rest of your life! Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Chequered Ink, Notreal Avenue, WY8 1ML and we'll mail you your stack of 32 3.5" floppy disks (5.25" also available - specify in your post) along with your juicy dollar and just $55.95 postage.*

Or buy it off of this weird internet thing that everyone's talking about. I'm not sure what it is, DOS doesn't think "cd internet" is a valid function.

*Incase it needed to be said, don't actually do this!